Marriage is not a fairy tale

An audience of 750 million tuned in July 29, 1981, to watch Lady Diana Spencer marry the Prince of Wales. In America, little girls were glued to the television from before dawn, enthralled by Diana's dress with its billows of silk taffeta, 10,000 pearls and 25-foot train. To a young girl's eye, the only blemish of this perfect day was that the bride's signature feathered hair succumbed to the summer humidity.

But not even flat bangs could detract from the fairy tale dream of marriage played out with such pomp. Nor was the nobility of the moment lost on adults. As ABC's Ted Koppel commented that evening: "Today's marriage between Charles and Diana was ... a hugely magnified version of what most of us hope for, the idealized beginning of what is meant to ripen into the perfect partnership of a man and a woman."

Koppel's ABC colleague, Bob Green, added: "The royal aspect almost was secondary. ... There was something universal about the ceremony of life that was taking place. The message was the same one that comes through at a wedding in a church recreation room in New Hampshire or a justice of the peace's office in Ohio."

When the royal couple said, "I will" (the Anglican version of "I do,") the roar of the crowd outside St. Paul's Cathedral "was almost as if the world was cheering for itself," Green reported. And indeed we do cheer for ourselves when we rejoice in wedding vows. Marriage is a promise. Not just between one man and one woman, but to the community at large, to generations past and to those yet to be born.

Wedding vows set apart this lifelong, life-giving relationship from all others. That's why we cheered in 1981, even though, as ABC's Green also reported, "marriage and the family have fallen on hard times." And it's why the world once again roars with joy as Kate Middleton marries Prince William. We celebrate their union despite the fact that for Diana, William's mother, the fairy tale had a bitter, postmodern ending.

For the generation of young women who grew up in the age of Diana, her story is a metaphor for the troubled state of marriage today. The overwhelming majority of young people still desire the marriage ideal, but many are unsure they ever will attain it. The route to marriage isn't nearly as clear as in generations past, and once entered, its endurance less sure.

Americans are marrying at half the annual rate they did four decades ago, data posted at FamilyFacts.org show. Singleness lasts longer than in prior generations. The median age of first marriage is five years higher than a generation ago - 26 for women, 28 for men. That makes Kate Middleton - at 29, the oldest first-time bride in a British royal wedding-representative of this generation. As for marital stability: Seven out of 10 couples married in the early 1990s reached their 10th anniversary, compared to nearly nine out of 10 couples married in the late 1950s.

The institution of marriage endures, though, even when a particular marriage falls apart. Our failure to attain it doesn't change the ideal. An ideal is not a fairy tale. It doesn't insist on perfection and doesn't presume happy endings. Fairy tale expectations, on the other hand, contribute to inordinate pressures as couples seek to make and maintain a marriage. They encourage brides, for example, to plan the perfect wedding day-to the tune of about $24,000, on average. "The writers of fairy tales most commonly ended their stories about princes and princesses at the altar," Ted Koppel intoned 30 years ago.

"These writers knew what marriage was meant to be. They were also wise enough to know that it rarely turns out that way." Fairy tales, however, leave out the wedding vows, which are meant to dispel the easy illusion of happily ever after, set appropriate expectations for a lifetime of commitment and connect couples to the communities of support around them. The vows begin where the ceremony ends.

Realistic expectations for marriage will go a long way toward making the institution more durable. That's why it's good to hear reports that Will and Kate are going to do their own chores in their royal mansion, rather than hire servants. It's much more significant news, actually, than Kate's reported decision to wear her hair down.

Marriage

Kishanganj's Kochadhaman police busted a sex racket when they arrested two persons who allegedly lured gullible girls on the pretext of marriage and forced them into flesh trade in distant places.

After police recovered two victims of the racket recently, a raid was carried out in Kanhaiyabari village and one Mohd Suleman arrested. During interrogation, Suleman spilt the beans on the modus operandi, which led to the arrest of Mohd Manobar from Anarkali village on Wednesday, Kochadhaman SHO Sanjay Jha said.

The accused allegedly persuaded the girls' parents to marry their daughters with them and promised a decent life and handsome future. After tying the knot, the duo took the girls to Chandigarh and forced them to work as sex workers and earn money.

Police said Manobar so duped quite a few girls and their parents in the past. He has four wives, one of whom is still condemned to work as a sex worker in a Chandigarh hotel.

Kishanganj subdivisional police officer Narendra Kumar told TOI on Thursday Suleman and Manobar were actually pawns in the hands of their employers who were running the sex racket. Further investigations are on, he added.

Arrests made in sex slave trafficking case

 

The FBI recently named Atlanta as one of the 14 cities in the U.S. with the highest incidence of children used in prostitution. According to the state, more than 400 adolescent girls are being exploited each month in Georgia on the streets, through escort services, at hotels and online.

Research also shows that every day an estimated 300 men are purchasing sex from adolescent girls in Georgia, both knowingly and unknowingly. The U.S. justice system is trying to tackle that problem one trafficker at a time.

Authorities have put one man behind bars. The trafficker made a career of bringing underage Mexican girls across the border, to unspeakable horrors. By the time Amador Cortes-Meza gets out of jail he will be 76 years old.

The Mexican national was sentenced to 40 years in prison after being convicted of forcing into prostitution young girls he smuggled from Mexico to Atlanta. "He was the head of the human trafficking ring that brought 10 young women here from Mexico on the promise of love and marriage and coming here for a better life and after he tricked the women into coming here he then forced them into prostitution," said Sally Yates the U.S. Attorney in the Northern Georgia District.

According to Yates, some of the victims were as young as 14 years old and were held as slaves. The girls were forced to have sex with dozens of men every night in locations around the Atlanta area. In fact, the first night that they were here, the young girls were forced to have sex with 20 men each. There were some nights that would be as many as 40.

Nine of the victims testified in court against Cortes-Meza. One of them said that Cortes-Meza would say that he would take it out on her mother if she tried to escape. Authorities say the level of cruelty against the victims is hard to describe.

"Daily beatings to remind them that they needed to stay in line," said Special Agent Brock Nicholson with the Immigration and Customs Enforcement. "Atrocities that are hard to believe can occur here in the United States." The case is being tried in the federal court building in Atlanta, and is proving to be an example of how human trafficking crosses borders.

The victims were recruited in Mexico by Mexican traffickers, were brought illegally to the United States and offered to American and also foreign customers. In addition to Cortes-Meza, five other members of his ring, including a brother and two nephews, pleaded guilty to similar charges.

They were all given sentences ranging from 10 to 20 years. The women and girls were given temporary asylum in the United States while the case continued. A U.S. Law passed in 2000 allows them to now apply for permanent residency.

Morocco marriage gives new twist to 'arranged' marriages

 

Marriage in Morocco has an increasingly changing face these days as young men and women in search of lifetime partners head for the souk, in this case a "cyber" marriage souk.  In a country where many marriages are still arranged, a click of a computer mouse will take the Internaut to Soukzouaj, a free site where thousands of lonely hearted young Moroccans look for their soul mates

"This marriage site was created in June 2010," Yasser Nejjar, founder of soukzouaj.ma, told AFP. "So it's recent but but it has a real success because it's free and it's near." Every day almost 2,600 prospective partners visit the site, two thirds of them women. Its shows a map of Morocco divided into 16 sections, and the user can click on the part of the country they choose to start their search.

"Today, for example, there are 1,670 posts from women as against 870 from men. To my mind that means women are more daring than men," Nejjar observed. "Most of the posts show there is a great desire for commitment and 'seriousness', in what they call 'halal', that is to say legal, which is in line with religious norms. In short, marriage."

Observers of Moroccan society regard matrimonial sites as a new phenomenon, linked to new forms of communication, even if there are many family-arranged marriages in a country where Islam is the state religion. "Today girls make demands," said sociologist Soumaya Naamane Guessous. "They want husbands who love them, who respect them, men not smothered by their mother, who allow them to live far from their in-laws."

She says that the success of soukzouaj, quite apart from the fact that it is free, in a country where arranged marriages are common, is due to the fact "that young girls no longer accept the first suitor who knocks at their family's door, or whom the family suggests." Latest official figures show more than 13 million surf the net in this North African kingdom of about 32 million residents.

The Internet has also played a role in recent demonstrations for pro-democracy reform in Morocco, following a trend across the Arab world that started in Tunisia where sweeping protests led to the ouster of president Zine el Abidine Ben Ali in January. The first rallies in several Moroccan cities on February 20 were in answer to a call by young people via Facebook.

On Soukzouaj, most of the posts by women, in the Moroccan dialect, darija, and French, emphasise the need for "respect" for them and a requirement that the prospective spouse be a "practising Muslim". "Young Moroccan woman, teacher, seeks Muslim with a good heart, good man, who respects women and is generous from every point of view," reads one post. The men, for their part, highlight their social standing and "seriousness".

"I am Simo, 28, from Rabat, computer engineer in a ministry, practising, nice and very serious, looking for serious girl from same city for serious relationship which, God willing, will result in a bright and holy marriage," said one man in search of the wife of his dreams. The arrival of marriage sites demonstrates the upheavals and changes resulting from the modernisation of part of Moroccan society, observers say. "We see, too, that there is a lot of loneliness, disappointment among both men and women," said Nâamane Guessous.

Rizwanur to change to Hinduism

 

During the arguments today on Rizwanur Rehman case in the 9th Fast Track court, it was revealed that Ashoke Todi, Priyanka’s father, had asked Rizwanur to convert to Hinduism to which he had agreed. However, Rizwanur’s relatives had opposed the idea as they feared it may affect the marriage prospects of the girls in the family. The court today heard the arguments on framing of the charges against the accused in the case.

Referring to the letter written by Rizwanur to the Association of Protection for Democratic Rights(APDR) on September 19, 2007, Mukherjee said Priyanka had apprised her father on August 31, 2007 about her marriage with Rizwanur. Following this, Ashoke had contacted Rizwanur over mobile phone and asked him to convert to Hinduism, the idea which was opposed by his family members, said Mukherjee.

In response to Judge Amit Chattopadhyay’s query about Pradip Tody’s meeting with Rizwanur’ former girlfriend Pompy Roy, Mukherjee said Priyanka had come to know about the split between Rizwanur and Pompy in 2006 and so the matter was settled between the husband and wife and so the meeting between Pradip with Pompy could not be considered as an offence, he said.

Cases against seven persons for kidnapping teenager girls

 

The Haryana police have registered cases against seven persons involved in two separate incidents of abduction of teenager girls in the district, police said today.A resident of Dabua colony had lodged a complain against two persons, Harilal and Sonu, for allegedly abducting his 17-year-old daughter after a promise of marriage, they said.In another incident, a resident of Dhauj registered a case against 4 persons, including his son-in-law and three other members of his family, for allegedly abducting his 16-year-old daughter.Investigations are going on in both the cases, police said. EKA

Young couples are increasingly creating children out of wedlock

 

Explaining their decision, they said that their relations are serious so it is not important whether they have a baby before or after marriage. They say it is better to have baby before marriage because the infertility rate is very high now. “We are ready to get married so we decided to not use contraceptive devices. Whenever my girlfriend is pregnant, we will immediately organize the wedding,” said Toan, a construction engineer in Hanoi.

It is important that his parents also back his decision so his girlfriend doesn’t feel great pressure. However, many couples are not lucky to have a baby even after forgoing contraceptive devices for a long time. Infertility is on the rise in Vietnam. The rate was eight percent in 2010, said Deputy Minister of Health, Director of the Central Obstetrics Hospital Nguyen Viet Tien.

At the country’s largest obstetric hospital, Tu Du Hospital in HCM City, the infertility rate is 10-15 percent. Some 40 percent of the cases occur in wives, 40 percent in husbands, 10 percent come from both sides and 10 percent are unclear. Having a baby before marriage is no longer considered “unacceptable” in Vietnam. Many parents are glad to welcome both the daughter-in-law and the grandchild at the wedding ceremony.

Many future mothers-in-law advised their sons to be serious in relations but encouraged them to “test” the girl who they plan to get married to know that she will not be childless. “I’m afraid that my son will marry a childless girl. It is no problem if she is pregnant before getting married,” said Mrs. Nguyen Kim Chi, 50, from Hanoi. This behavior is understandable because many families are too poor to treat infertility. At obstetrics hospitals, many couples spend dozens of thousands USD but they could not have a baby.

Besides natural reasons, many young couples are childless because of the wrong lifestyle in the past. Doctor Nguyen Thi Hong Minh, from the Central Obstetrics Hospital, said that having sex liberally and lack of knowledge of contraception has led to an alarming rise in abortion, especially among students and youth.

It is advised to take urgent contraceptive medicines just four times a month but many girls take four pills a week, doctor Minh said. Vietnam is one of the three countries that have the highest abortion rate in the world. The country has around 70,000 abortion cases a year, with 20 percent made by juveniles.